Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Yes, it has been way too long since I posted. My dear friend, Donna, has finally accomplished the task of getting me to write to you. Since my radiation ended two weeks ago, physically and mentally it has been hard to function. Of course, I always think if I cannot write something positive, then I should not write at all. Everyone who reads and posts on this blog are very special to me. Some, I have never met, yet they write such endearing thoughts of encouragement. If for one day, I can take one thing that was written and focus on it, I can make it until the next day. That's what I have been doing. And sometimes, it is very difficult because you don't know how many days are left. Cathy and I talked about that today. At the beginning of this illness, I thought that by knowing I wasn't going to live until 90, would somehow get me prepared to die. That has not happened yet. Today, I saw a therapist whom I immediately liked and connected with. In a one hour she helped me to realize that I cannot possibly have all the answers now. It seems so simple doesn't it? It is not easy, but knowing that all my friends and family support me is a great comfort.
With love to All,
Ellen

14 comments:

Marie said...

I am so glad to hear that you connected with this therapist. A real light through the darkness right now! Hold on to the truth that you know, if only for a little while every day. You are stronger than you think. You deserve to be happy, each and every day. Hold on to that, and do the things that make you smile.

My love to you, every day,
-Marie

Anonymous said...

To my dearest friends Ellen & Cathy. I wish I had the words to assure you that "fundamentally all is well". I do believe that with all my heart. That in moments like these when anticipation gets the best of us all... to focus on where our feet are... Hopefully in soft green grass or better yet... in the sand and surf of a favorite beach... When we don't know what life has in store for tomorrow and we can't change anything we did yesterday... that today is all any of us has... so let's make it glorious...

Dance as though no one is watching you,
love as though you have never been hurt before,
sing as though no one can hear you,
live as though heaven is on earth.

We are holding you up to the light...
We are sending you our thoughts and prayers...
We will stand by you on your journey...
and surround you with love.

Debbie

Anonymous said...

Hi Ellen,
Bill and I have been thinking about you a lot lately. I hope the MRI shows all positive things. I know how hard it is at this point. I truly believe positive thinking of all the people that love you works wonders.
Love,
Ann Marie, Bill and Leo

Steve Bogdanoff said...

Dear Ellen & Cathy,
We are sending out prayers of love and all things positive to you both. We have lit a candle for you which was made by a monk from a monastery in Pecos, 15 miles north from our home. It's burning bright, just like you. We love you both, and are constantly thinking of you. Steve & Art

Anonymous said...

We are sending you lots of positive energy vibes, love julia and tom

Anonymous said...

Ellen and Cathy,
Sending you thoughts of light and love.
Lots of people are doing the same. We are all with you today.
Betsy

Anonymous said...

Ellen:
You and Cathy are always in my thoughts and prayers. I came across something today. It said, "Enjoy the journey. It is the only one you'll ever have."
Be well. Love, Nancy

Anonymous said...

dearest ellen and cathy,
I send you love and the grace to savor each moment and the love you share.
you are in my heart,
christina

Anonymous said...

Dear Ellen and Cathy Many HOPES for your appointment tomorrow morning...
We are all thinking of you and praying for the best.
Je vous aime toute deux,
xoxodanielle

Anonymous said...

hi ellen, meant to write the other day to thank you again about sharing your feelings. It may have already been said by others, but you are giving alot to those of us who know and love you by sharing your feelings, letting us be part of your life, and the dignity which you live your life; all these things and others give us an opportunity to look at ourselves as well. Changes we may make within ourselves because of sharing your life will have effects on many of us for the rest of our lives. When you throw a stone in a pond, you get a series of ripples, going on and on; you effect us like those ripples touching us in many ways for years and years to come. love, David

Johnny and Liz said...

Ellen, The news is distressing, hang in there, we continue to pray for God's grace. Love, Liz and Johnny

Anonymous said...

Hi Ellen,

We're sorry to hear the recent news. You're a wonderful person and soulmate to my Aunt Cathy. We love you and think of you both often.

With much love,
Julie (daughter of Doug)

Danielle said...

Ellen et Cathy,
Tonight,I have the sad feeling that if you did not give any news after Dr. Nick'visit,it is because the news are not as good as expected. I want again to send you all my warm thoughts, not to be discouraged but to keep believing that you will find the little light at the end of the tunnel to guide you outside
Tendresse a vous deux,
Danielle

danielle said...

ellen and cathy,

claude, charlotte and maxime are also thinking of you both and send you words of tenderness and support in your difficult journey..

xoxodanielle