Sunday, July 25, 2010


Dear Ellen

Sunday morning again. Rainy. Perfect for staying home with a cup of coffee, the newspaper, and a large cat who is put out with me because it was also a good morning to sleep an extra hour and delay her precise feeding time. It was an unacceptable mistake which has been noted and filed away in her feline memory along with the others. She now stares at me from the foot of the bed, utter contempt registered on her face. What a wonderful little companion she has become for me. She was so much your cat and such a sweet comfort to you, but I think she has learned to tolerate me as best she can. I will keep my expectations low.

I have had the most amazing dreams about you the past two nights. First, I dreamt we were in a boat, like a small fishing boat. You weren't feeling well and getting tired, but the river we traveled was so beautiful and you were happy to feel the wind on your face. There was no motor, but we moved swiftly across the water as though we were flying. It seemed I was trying to get you to a destination, but I had no idea where it was. I'm making canoe shapes in the studio, maybe the dream began there. This morning, the dream I had was more intense. I was standing at the sink in our bathroom, staring at the strands of your hair which are lying there. I noticed there was a new hair added to the others. I sensed you behind me and felt your arms go around me in a warm embrace. It felt as though you moved into my body. It was disturbing, but comforting. You whispered into my left ear that you would always be with me. It seemed I was awake and yet dreaming at the same time. I couldn't differentiate between what was real and what was the dream, but it absolutely felt safe and good. Physically, it was an odd sensation which woke me up.
I stayed still for several minutes thinking about the dream, but the feeling was one of contentment, not sadness or fear.

I don't know what the dream meant. All I know it that for the first time in many months of wishing I just had a minute of having you back, I did.

I don't know much about how the mind works with the heart and what it all means. I'm thinking I'm not supposed to. I'm thinking the cat knows, but she's not telling me. I'm thinking the sun has just come out and a bike ride around the park sounds good.

Thanks for the visit.
I love you,


Anonymous said...

That was beautiful dream... I remember dreaming about my mother after she passed. I recognized it was a dream while I was in the dream! I hugged her extra long... It too wasn't scary either. Love you!


Peggy Suarez said...

Dear Cathy,
I have always found my dreams fascinating, confounding, unbalancing and reassuring….a bit like life but with the edge buffered. Hope yours left you bolstered for that bike ride.

Take care mi Amiga.

danielle said...

dear cathy,

knowing ellen's magic on you, I could imagine how soft and delicious, her visit to you must have been.I really believe in the power of dreams.I think she will be back again, now that you have opened that secret door of your heart...
much love,


Anonymous said...

Thanks for sharing your beautiful dreams and art. I believe that she was with you - there in the twilight of your sleep. How wonderful. I've had a similar experience, a visit from a soul who had passed while I slept. i learned of her death much later.